I’m about to get real raw. This isn’t the post that I thought it would be. In fact, I had written a “safer” post earlier today and it just didn’t feel right. Safe isn’t always the best. So I went back and changed it because I would be doing you a disservice by not speaking what’s truly on my heart.
Here we go.
It doesn’t matter if you are old or young, rich or poor, successful or unsuccessful, we all struggle with feelings of worthlessness.
You can have the most amazing life, have everything go your way, and still feel unworthy.
How often do we limit ourselves because we don’t feel good enough?
For most my life I didn’t feel worthy of a lot of things. From dealing with trauma from my teenage years to struggling to find myself in my early twenties I was lost for a long time. I didn’t feel like I had a lot to offer the world.
I tried to be as kind as I could to people but often failed because I am human. I was bitter about my past and how I dealt with some issues. You see, I wasn’t always happy. I wasn’t always kind. In fact, if you were to ask a lot of the people I went to high school with they would probably tell you that I was down-right mean. They wouldn’t be lying.
Holding on to pain can cause a mental block. It will cause you to see life through a negative lens. For me, I didn’t even realize that I was holding onto negativity.
In 2015 I started working for EPIC. I NEVER ever in my whole long-legged life thought that I would work for a church. Who am I to work for a church? I am a sinner. I curse from time to time. I drink wine. I’m not a “good” person. So why would they hire ME? The moody girl who didn’t grow up in a Christian home.
You know why? Because I am worthy.
I justified it for years. Well, I just work for the coffee shop. I don’t actually work for the church. As sad as it makes me feel those were my honest thoughts. Those thoughts are crap. I DO work for the church. And no, I am not “good” but I am HUMAN. All of us are.
But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
You see, God sees the worth in each and every one of us. He sees in us what we cannot. He knows the plans for our life. Jeremiah 29:11 says, For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
How often do we limit ourselves because we don’t feel like we are good enough? Through the years I have felt this huge tug on my heart to share Gods word with the world but I didn’t because I didn’t think I had the courage or that I was worthy to share His word. What if I started talking about how amazing God is and someone asks me a question that I cannot answer? What would happen? So instead of trying to have those awesome conversations, I would shy away because of the what-ifs. Guys, NO ONE knows all of the answers (except for God) and that’s OK. Don’t limit yourself because of the what-ifs.
Maybe there is a project that you want to start but are afraid to. Maybe it’s a career move that you so desperately want to take but the change scares you. I’m here to tell you to take that leap of faith. Start to pray more. Pray out loud in your car. Pray with your children. Pray in your heart.
You will pray to him, and he will hear you, and you will fulfill your vows. John 22:27
Romans 12:2 states it so beautifully:
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
DO. NOT. BE. CONFORMED. TO. THIS. WORLD.
You DO NOT have to live your life in fear. You DO NOT have to live a life that someone else has planned for you. You don’t have to exit high school and jump straight into college. You don’t have to marry in your early twenties and have babies before you’re thirty. You don’t have to have that high salary job or that huge house or that fancy car. Sure, all of that is nice (if that’s your kind of thing) but it is not necessary. And it sure as heck doesn’t determine your worth as a human being.
Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5
When I was a teenager I went through hell. I had the worst time of my life from about 13-18 years old. My junior year of high school I started dating Eric and I asked him to go to the homecoming dance with me. He had already graduated so getting him to go was like pulling teeth but he agreed. I spent all day getting ready. I worked my butt off to pay for the dress that I wore. It was the first time in my life that I had worn a dress that came up to my knees. I was MONDO self-conscious about it but it was a really adorable dress. Literally 10 minutes before I walked out of the door to go to the dance, my dad started screaming at me. He called me a whore over and over and over again. I was a whore for wearing a short dress and I was a whore for dating someone older. I cried for what felt like hours. I cried all of my makeup off and I went to that dance with the puffiest eyes, late.
I was a good kid. I rarely got into trouble. I rarely did things that I wasn’t supposed to and I most definitely was not a whore. But my father told me numerous times that I was so I believed it (that wasn’t the first time that he called me that). I lived for years feeling awful about myself. I felt ashamed every time I cut my hair. I felt ashamed every time I would wear a swimsuit. I felt ashamed for just being me. He made me feel worthless. I carried that worthless feeling around for years. It took me many, many years to overcome that feeling. It was the very next year that I accepted Christ into my life. My dad had left my mom and moved away (thank God) and we finally got the space we needed to find ourselves. God found me in a broken. broken place and He lifted me up and gave me worth. I prayed for years for God to heal my heart and to give me the strength to speak up and be an encouragement to others.
So why am I telling you all of this? I’m telling you this because it doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from, don’t let other people tell you your worth. Don’t you dare, even for one second, believe those lies that people say about you. Every person on this Earth is worthy of love.
If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. Isaiah 58:10-11
Isn’t that powerful?! So why are you holding yourself back from being so freaking amazing?! Why are we so afraid to take that leap of faith? We are all one and the same.
Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7
Once I started to realize that I am not my mistakes or the words that others have placed on me I became a new person. I smiled more. I laughed more. I started living for others and not for myself. I try my hardest to make at least one person smile during the day. And each day I became happier and I became encouraged to try my best to be my best. Sure, I have bad days – it goes back to that whole “I’m a human” thing. But I realized that I am worthy.
Friends, let go of predispositions about yourself. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are incredible and gosh darn it, the world needs you. So I want you to know that you are loved and you are perfect just as you are.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. Philipians 4:8-9
YOU ARE WORTHY AND YOU ARE AWESOME!
I want you all to know that I am here for you. If anyone feels this way and needs to talk please, please reach out to me. We need a community of love to build each other up and I am here for you. Keep your head up and know that you are amazing!