His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23
Everyone has a story. Some stories are longer than others, some more adventurous, some happy, some sad. Every person has one. As life continues each story changes, grows. Isn’t that beautiful?
What’s even more beautiful is knowing that we can change that story at any given moment.
For the most part, I have a pretty awesome story. My story holds many chapters, some of which are heart-wrenching and sad but for the most part my chapters are happy and favorable.
But right now I am going through a really difficult chapter and I have found myself becoming bitter and angry. Sometimes you can’t help it. Things like this creep in unannounced and unexpected. I didn’t realize that I was becoming that way until I spent some time with myself and I had to check my heart.
Valentine’s Day is still two weeks away and I already find myself saying, “GAG” out loud and with an obnoxious scrunched-up face every time I hear or read about it. Tonight while I went to pick up my dinner-for-1 at Cracker Barrel I had to wait a little bit before my order was ready. I found myself rolling my eyes at the love cards on the Valentine’s Day rack (and being caught by a 70 something year old man who looked at me all crazy).
Love isn’t bad. There was no reason for me to roll my eyes. The only reason I did is because I am bitter and angry. Bitterness is a result from holding on to negative experiences or emotions. It only hurts me. So why am I holding onto this?
I was told that when going through any situation in life, albeit good or bad, to feel your feels. I’ve allowed myself to feel the feels but I haven’t spent enough time in Gods word. I’ve asked God for forgiveness and strength and He gives them to me. The deed is done. I am new. I am good.
But why don’t I feel good?
Because I am human. I am the one who brings it all back up. I am the one who lingers here. I know that a continuous relationship with God is what my heart desires and it’s the only thing that will get me through this.
I honestly feel like I could become Kristen Bell’s character in The Good Place. She was hardened by the world and then hit and killed by multiple shopping carts while picking up margarita mix. The good thing about becoming her is that she does her best to become a better person once she realizes how bitter she was. Unfortunately, she doesn’t get the memo until she’s dead so YAY for me, I’ve got a head start!
Each day brings new feelings and emotions. I know that God will remove all bitterness from my heart so that I can move forward with me. This will be a great story. This is the start to a good chapter. A healing chapter.
Will we focus on the size of our problem or the size of our God? The reality is, we can’t do both.
– Perry Noble
God is much bigger than any problem we face. He is bigger than any bad chapter that we have written. And you know what? He loves us. He loves us so much despite what we have done or what we haven’t done. He could never love us any more or any less.
Moving forward I am choosing to let my bitterness go. It will not come overnight but it will come.
Love is amazing. The RIGHT kind of love is amazing and right now His kind of love is what I need. I will no longer roll my eyes at love. The hurt that I hold is no longer mine to keep. I will let it all go and I will love the Lord with all my soul.
“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
Love is amazing and at times it hurts (a lot). But life is amazing and each experience is part of your story. Maybe it’s all happening because this is a story that you will need to tell. Maybe it’s to help someone else in their time of need. Who knows. What I do know is that I will love more.
And a major shout out to EPIC Church for having EPIC United on Valentine’s Day. Now I don’t have to sit at home and watch The Good Place all over again (although that sounds like a great night). Worshipping is way cooler than re-runs.
One of my pastors posted this song today I must have listened to it 10 times in a row. Sometimes your heart just needs to be checked and today I’m glad that mine was.
Have heart and keep faith, for each moment is just part of this chapter. Keep on writing your story.