Well 2017 you were an absolute shit-show. It seems like every person I know had a pretty shitty 2017. Normally I would apologize for the language but to be totally honest I’m not going to apologize. I’m really not. There is no other way to describe this past year. It was brutal. But you know what, we made it.
We made it.
We didn’t get into any fist fights (that I know of) and we didn’t die. Although at times I’m sure it feels like both of those things happened.
Yesterday was hard but today is new. I have had the most amazing people come surround me with so much love that it makes me cry when I think about it.
You all know Ashley, my bloggin’ bestie, and she probably doesn’t want me bragging on her but I am going to. She knows my heart so well, I don’t even need to tell her how I’m feeling. It’s like she just knows.
On Christmas Eve, I was so lost. I went to church, worked the coffee shop and tried to muster a smile as often as I could. I tried not to swallow because that stupid lump was in my throat and I knew that if I swallowed I would cry and if I started I knew it wouldn’t stop. Ashley and her awesome husband, Stephen, were in town for the holiday. They went out of their way to get me a (HUMONGOUS) breakfast and took it to my house… IN THE SNOW… but I wasn’t there. So they drove all the way to my church just to make sure I had breakfast. THIS is what life is all about. This is what love looks like. This is what God looks like. She is one of the greatest blessings that I have ever had. I love you Ashley, (and Stephen!) if we were in a crowd I would ask everyone to give you a huge round of applause. I can only hope to be this good of a friend.
Let it go and bring on a fresh, new beginning.
There were some really good parts about the year, don’t get me wrong. My job is great, my health is good, old friendships were rekindled and my eyes are set on God. These things I hope to carry into the new year.
2018 brings a plethora of new goals and ambitions. I needed some time to reset my thoughts, my emotions and my body. (My body is way too “reset”… like… whoa…get to the gym, girl!) But now I am READY.
If you’ve been following along on the blog you know that I’ve been driving the struggle bus to and from the shit show. I don’t want to do this anymore. I refuse to go into the new year with the sadness and stress that I have been carrying. I don’t need it, it’s not serving me and it’s hindering my yoga practice something fierce. It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to mourn the death of a relationship, but it’s not ok to let it own you.
Sure, starting a new journey, especially on your own, is scary as all get out but there’s no way I’m NOT going to do it because of a stupid thing like fear.
Fear is only a visitor, it will come and it will go.
In the book You Are A Badass, Jen Sincero writes, “The Force is with you” (The force being God).
“This isn’t just about believing and being all high-vibe when the sun is out and the bunnies are hopping around. This is about believing, even when things are at their most uncertain or absolute crappiest, that there is a bright shiny flipside within your reach.
“One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time” -André Gide
This is about believing that we live in a loving, kind and abundant Universe instead of one that’s petty, mean, and likes other people more than it likes you. This is about your faith being greater than your fear.”
In 2018 I will turn 30, attempt to run a marathon and take a trip by myself. This will be a year of growth, strength and self-love. By this time next year I want to be able to look back on the last 12 months and know that I did my absolute best to be my absolute best.
Thank you to everyone who has reached out to me, bought me a meal, gave me a hug, held my hand, gave me some tough love and let me go. Thank you. This year was hard but necessary. Although I don’t want to think about how hard it was I know that this was a year of shaping and a year of learning. I know I can be so much more and I intend to take the next 12 months to see what that means. Sure, there will be plenty more hard times that I will face but because of this year I know that I will be able to look those hard times right in the face and say, “Is that all you got?”
You can do it too! Set realistic goals, take yourself on a date, eat cake and hit the gym. We all deserve to be happy and healthy and we all need a community of people to support us. I am here for all of you just as you were all here for me. This life is hard but we don’t have to mosey on through it alone. Let’s all stick together and give high-fives. We made it another year!
I love you all.
Love love love love love,